If it wasn’t for the Lord, I wouldn’t be here today… as a child, I was abused both physically and emotionally, sold for drugs, starved, and abandoned. I moved from home to home.. finally I was adopted. The family wasn’t what any child had in mind. Although broken, it was a family. As I got older things became harder, especially growing up in a pagan home. I became depressed, suicidal even… My life became dark. I felt that I didn’t have a place in this world. After several suicide attempts, hospitalizations, loads of medication, an abusive and failed marriage, I began talking to some people in my family about faith and religion.
Being raised in a pagan family church was basically a sin. I always felt incomplete and I always felt like there was something more to life. I started studying different religions and going to different churches trying to find an answer but no matter how much I studied, no matter how much I prayed, or how much I attended church, I still felt empty and lost. I gave up. Once again.. I chose a long path that was very destructive. One day a friend of mine came to the house and told me that there was someone I need to meet and he was in town preaching at a local church. Evangelist Robert Newton. Honestly, I didn’t want to go. He insisted, so I went.
I sat there during worship and every time I looked up, my eyes met with Roberts… there looked to be so much pain in his eyes.. he started preaching and not wanting to be there I zoned in and out. Everything he was saying was causing me so much pain.. and guilt.. I decided that it was time for me to go. I started to get up to leave and he came off that stage and right to me. Our eyes met… the feeling I got when I looked into his eyes was so overwhelming! He looked at me, pointed his finger and said, “and God has a message for you. Although you have forsaken Him, your father has not forsaken you. He wants you to know that He is listening to you, even when you think He’s not, He is. He hears your every prayer and hears you when you cry.” He continued to speak to me and at first I didn’t want to believe him… and he started repeating everything I had been praying about word for word and when he laid his hands on me, I hit my knees. The power I felt running through my body was like nothing I had ever felt before. At that moment everything went quiet.. it was like I was the only one there praying, pouring my heart out to God. What felt like minutes, was hours. When I arose up off my knees, there were only 3 other people in the church. Robert, my friend, and my preacher.. … My preacher reached for my hand and my eyes met with Roberts. I saw no pain or suffering in his eyes.. At that moment I knew that what I saw in his eyes was the pain and suffering that he saw in me. My life changed that day and has never been the same. My life had/has meaning and purpose. God gave me life and I gave my life to Him. I owe Him everything.
I know I’m not perfect and sometimes I struggle… but I’m human and I have a just and merciful father that loves me the same… and for that, I am eternally grateful.