He sees all the struggles I have gone through, and I will continue to go through, but never once has He ever turned His back on me.   When I have run out of hope, He makes sure I see that there is still hope.  In 2002 my oldest son got sick suddenly, he almost died that day.  God helped me with that.  My son needed a new heart soon.  I did not have a good relationship with god at that time.  I went to the chapel in the hospital and first I begged God to take me and not my 14 year old son.  I did not feel anything.  For 3 days we were there fighting to keep my son alive until we could find a new heart.  I went back to the chapel and I cried out to god “where are you!!!”  I need you so much right now.   I was the only person in there and I heard “just ask me”, so I looked around for someone and no one was there.  I cried “where are you!!!!” and it felt like someone nudged me, “I am here and have been”.  The new heart my son received gave me 9 more years with him.  Now he is in heaven and he is not in pain anymore.  He is not sick and suffering anymore.  I have never told anyone this because I thought they would not believe me.  Thank you.